Xander, one of our former volunteer LGBTQ+ counsellors who has now moved to Forward Leeds, has written about their experience identifying as both disabled and part of the LGBTQ+ community.
I’ve worked for Barca first on placement, then as a volunteer Wellbeing Hour Counsellor, counselling LGBTQIA+ young people 13 to 25 years old. This led to paid work that has included helping to create and facilitate Be Yourself identity workshops, again for young people, at the Barca offices on Upper Town Street and in schools. The workshops are centred on exploring understanding around sexual and gender identities, the importance of finding your own sense of self, looking at what those letters LGBTQIA+ stand for and all the different flags. Young people are invited to make their own flags and create self-affirmative pocket magazines. It's all a far cry from my own coming out and youthful experiences, too many years ago (I grew up in the 1970s and early1980s). No work in schools on bullying. No counsellors or talk of therapy for young people in need. No organisations like Barca or Forward Leeds to help teenagers who find themselves struggling, without judgement but with compassion and care for safeguarding. Today’s support systems and organisations like Barca are just so amazing, I do not have the words for how I feel when I think of then and now, the progress that has been made (but which we must still fight hard to maintain and build, especially around trans rights).
It's no secret I love Barca. Even my friends outside work get told. As an organisation, it has treated me well. I’ve had the most incredible line manager in Rachel Lord, who I’ve repeatedly told is the best and kindest manager I’ve ever had (I worked for decades in the media as a writer before training to be a counsellor, and the difference between my old work environments and what I’ve experienced at Barca is, as they say, chalk and cheese – from ruthless to inclusive, draining to enabling). I’ve now started with Forward Leeds, as a Young Persons Drug and Alcohol Worker, and am pleased to say, a few weeks in, the supportive and friendly working environment is familiar and I’m already enjoying building new working relationships. It’s all family and the connective tissue between Barca and Forward Leeds is visible to me every single day, infusing and informing the incredible work being done to help the young people we encounter. I’m still very much a counsellor, always will be now I’m qualified, using my counselling skills in private practice and what I do in engaging with clients in my new role. I just love helping people find their own way in life with support.
I had no support of this kind as a young person growing up. I have come out more than once. I came out as gay in 1987 and remember marching against Section 28,which was government legislation enacted in 1988 that stopped any talk of‘ homosexuality’ in schools and local authorities unless and only in the context of disease. That’s how it was until Section 28 was repealed in Scotland in2000, England and Wales in 2003. Imagine only being legally allowed to talk about straight people in the context of bunions, eczema and dicky tummies after a meal out. What impression might you receive?
I came out as nonbinary in 2020, having first been volunteering for a trans- and gender-variant supporting organisation and realising something about myself, the more people I met there – a niggling sense of being gay plus ’unknown something’ was starting to resolve itself into a known something. Knowledge really is power, and I learned there were others like me, for whom he and she as pronouns weren’t what we were attached to in any way, internally or externally in our presentation to the world. Some think gender-variance is a Gen Z thing onwards; this Gen X-er must disagree. Yes, you can be grey (if you don’t shave your headlike me) and be something unnamed until a name for it comes along to claim.
My most recent coming out was, okay, kind of split into two parts – I was diagnosed with Combined Type ADHD last year and, at time of writing, three months ago as autistic, ‘mildly so’ I was told, as if it’s a rash. I don’t like talk of ‘mild’ and ‘severe’ autism. I try to talk in terms of impact. Language around neurodiversity as well as gender and sexuality, is constantly evolving, though. I use the increasingly seen ‘auDHD’ shorthand. For all our labels, we are not defined by them. We define them.
As well as learning about and managing my own challenges, I have carer and advocacy responsibilities as well as power of attorney to support my partner, who has learning disabilities, autism, ADHD, Tourettes, dyslexia and dyspraxia. It would be too much to detail here the many obstacles, prejudices and misconceptions they deal with in daily life but this is why our loved ones need us to be able to help, sometimes with little advance notice possible.
The 'Carer's Passport' provision within the Barca family really supports me to do my work without worrying or feeling like I need to make excuses or feel bad about having to attend appointments with my partner or deal with support service calls during working hours. The ability to work from home sometimes is also a huge help. If you care for someone, please let your line manager and HR know. Same goes for notifying any health issues or disabilities you may have. We don't want to be seen as flaky, not committed, or 'less than', I know - and within the Barca family, you won't be. You'll be supported because you are seen as amazing, doing what you do.
Barca has always been supportive and understanding as an organisation, and an organisation is its people. I’ve only ever felt seen, respected, accommodated, encouraged, and listened to. This helps people do their jobs and promotes their strengths to their benefit and the organisation’s mission goals. I’ve never felt more fully able to be myself, nor as recognised for my abilities, nor as enabled to do my very best, as I have since I started with the Barca family. I have met, and continue to meet, inspirational and kind people who, like me, are hard-working, compassionate and determined to do all they can to make a difference to the lives of those who need our many talents – and our diversity of race, age, sex, background, gender, sexuality, and abilities. Diversity is strength. Utilising it is an expression of wisdom and vision for a better, more inclusive, less isolating world. Keep it up.
